Learning made fun

Here To Help With Advice On Children's Behaviour

As a psychologist, former play specialist at Great Ormond Street Hospital, Mum to 3 grown up children and founder of Musical Minis, a nationwide pre-school music group based on child development, I am often asked for my views on various subjects. Recently I was asked to share  parenting advice to answer readers problems in Mother and Baby Magazine.

Here are the questions and my answers:

Every time I ask my two-year-old to do something, she says no, even when it’s a fun activity. What should I do?

The ‘no’ phase is all part of your child’s speech development although it is frustrating for parents. Toddlers like the word ‘no’ because it’s easy to say and often leads to a reaction from the adult in charge. Saying "no" is a healthy, normal and important way for your child to assert their new found independence. There are simple steps you can take to encourage your daughter to use the word ‘no’ less. Offer your daughter choices that do not allow for the answer ‘no’. For example, “Would you like to wear your blue jumper or red jumper today?” Giving your toddler choices helps her feel in control and that she has a say in decisions. Another example is to tell your daughter that today you are going to the shops but let her choose if you go now or later. Think about how many times you say ‘no’ to your daughter. Try to say things in a different way so that you avoid using the word ‘no’. As with all phases your daughter will grow out of saying ‘no’ but by offering choices and asking questions that don’t allow for a ‘no’ answer, you can encourage her to use it less!

My eight-month-old has suddenly got very attached to his comforter and wants to take it everywhere. Should I let him?

An attachment to his comforter is normal and healthy and you should allow him to take it everywhere. All babies develop at their own pace but at around six months they start to develop a sense of self and realise they are separate from their parent. This can create separation anxiety which is a stage of child development. To ease this anxiety many babies latch on to "comfort objects". Your son has developed a strong attachment to his comforter and needs it to feel safe. The comforter stands in for the closeness your son has with you and provides a link from the safety of being with you to the big world around him. Comforters help children to deal better with times of separation, stress or anxiety. As children get older they are able to feel more secure and need the comforter less, however, it is important for the child to have control over this. Comforters are very important to the children who use them and enable them to have a healthy emotional development.

How can I encourage my six-month-old son to sit up by himself?

It is important to realise that every baby develops differently and at their own pace, so don’t worry if other 6 month olds have reached this milestone before your son. However, there are ways you can help your son learn how to sit up himself. Babies need some specific motor skills before they can sit up unaided. They need to be able to hold their neck up, have some balance and develop trunk muscles. By encouraging your baby to spend time playing on his tummy, it will help strengthen his neck, stomach and back muscles. You can sit your son propped up with pillows on the floor or sit him between your legs. He will learn to use his feet and legs as support and will begin to sit upright with help. At first he will be wobbly as babies need to learn balance before being able to sit alone. Keep your son entertained with toys so he will enjoy being in a sitting position. Once your son has gained enough strength to sit up himself there will be no stopping him as he realises how exciting the world can be from this position.

If you have a question about your child that you would like answered please email [email protected].

Should Homework Be Eliminated In Primary School?

As a psychologist, former play specialist at Great Ormond Street Hospital, Mum to 3 grown up children and founder of Musical Minis, I am often asked for my views on various subjects. Recently I was asked to share my views on whether homework should be eliminated in primary school for an article for Costco Connection. I debated that it shouldn't be. Here are my thoughts:

It is important to state from the outset that homework needs to be appropriate to the child’s age and stage of development both in content and time in order for it to be worthwhile.

Homework provides a highly powerful opportunity to form a partnership between home and school. When this link is established, children are proven to have a more positive outlook towards school which influences their happiness, ability to focus, and their academic attainment. Ultimately, homework can help children gain far more from their schooling, both in and out of the classroom. One reason for this is that when parents support their child’s homework, they are demonstrating that they value their child’s education and believe that school is important. By embedding this belief and motivation, children are given a life-long message which will enable their success.

Similarly, homework provides an opportunity for parents to gain an insight into what their child is learning at school. This again seeks to foster a home-school relationship, especially as many parents reveal that their children do not talk to them about what is happening at school. Lots of parents are also unfamiliar with the teaching styles and content that their children experience, either because they were educated in a different country, or simply due to the fact that a lot has changed since many parents were at school. Consequently, when parents sit with their children, they can get a picture of what their children are learning and how. This experience may also be useful in helping to identify certain difficulties the child may be having in grasping a topic. Parents could be in an important position to highlight these, which can then be discussed with the teacher in order that the child can be best supported. It is again important to note that when parents support their child with their homework, this does not mean that the parent does the homework, which can obviously impede on its value.

Homework is also important for maintaining and aiding the progress of the child. Considering their younger age, new information needs to be revisited and revised frequently in order for it to be retained. This is especially important during the holidays where even a week off can be a long time to go without practicing a skill such as reading and writing for a young child. It also provides the opportunity for things to be taught and explored in a different way that might not be possible at school due to practicalities. For example, children can be encouraged to go on a nature walk in science or do some cooking in maths. This can also be a key form of enjoyment for the child and considering children progress most when they see their learning as play, this can be highly beneficial.

Setting homework at a young age is also crucial for creating the foundations for life-long learning. For example, if children have regular homework in primary school it will build up the self-discipline they will need in order to succeed in secondary school, especially as formal exams approach. Similarly, this is a skill that children will continue to use throughout their lives in university or the world of work. Children need to develop this strong work ethic at school in order to understand the importance of meeting deadlines, learning independently and establishing a good routine. They need to be able to practice and formulate these skills whilst they are young and before they become critical to their formalised academic success and future working lives.

By providing children with an opportunity to do homework in primary school, you are setting them up to be lifelong, effective and efficient learners, which I believe can only be considered as highly valuable.

To read both sides of the debate please click through to Costco Connection on this link . What do you think?

 

 

How to teach your toddler to share

As a psychologist, former play specialist at Great Ormond Street Hospital and founder of Musical Minis, I am often asked for my views on various subjects. Recently I was asked to share my suggestions on how to teach children to share for an article for Mother and Baby Magazine . Various extracts from the article can be seen here.

As a Mum you already have an amazing array of skills to help navigate your child through the day-to-day challenges of being a toddler. One skill in particular is negotiation and it starts to come in handy as you find yourself refereeing feisty toddlers, tussling over trucks! You can help your toddler discover the joys of taking turns.

Sharing is a hot topic with mums. It’s absolutely natural for you to want your child to be able to share nicely, but it’s also natural that they simply don’t understand that they should. Sharing requires an understanding of other people’s feelings and babies and toddlers don’t have this just yet.

Psychologist and former play specialist at Great Ormond Street hospital Karen Sherr explains: “The first thing I advise is not to expect your child to share. Babies and toddlers have a strong sense of self. This doesn’t mean they are aware of themselves as individuals, rather that they are naturally self-centred and don’t realise they are separate from everyone and everything else. This means that they have no idea how their actions affect others.’

So start this journey from a place where you don’t expect your child to share. ‘Parents can be disappointed and embarrassed when their child doesn’t naturally share. But there is absolutely no reason why they should: they are simply not designed to,’ says Karen. ‘Not sharing is not a reflection of their personality, it doesn’t mean they are unkind or mean, but only that they don’t know what it is to share.’

“This is all part and parcel of their development and because sharing requires empathy it is something that is very difficult for them to understand. “This will only begin to happen tentatively between the age of two and three and won’t be fully understood until around five. You can encourage your child to learn to share and you can lead by example. The main thing is to show your child that sharing can be fun!”

“Right from the beginning we can subtly encourage the idea of sharing - or waiting for ‘our turn’ by copying and repeating sounds as baby begins to coo and talk,” says Karen. “If you repeat sounds back to your baby, they will enjoy waiting for you to speak. “Whilst this is encouraging speech, on another level you are laying the foundations for taking turns and beginning to show them that if your child does an action there might then be a small waiting period while the other person has their turn.”

Learn through baby groups. Playgroups, music classes and other gatherings are great places to help teach your toddler about sharing. “Exposing your little one to an array of toys and items that don’t belong to them is really helpful in showing your child how to share,” explains Karen.

“In a music class for example there will be instruments that are physically shared out so your child will see sharing in action. Two babies might be given one drum to bang - so they begin to understand that some things are more fun with two people. The children will also swap instruments and take turns with different ones then return them at the end. This all encourages play around sharing and helpfully gives you examples to refer back to at home. For example, you can say ‘Why don’t you swap toys now just like we do at music class?’.

A busy playgroup will almost certainly present you and your toddler with a sharing conundrum at some point. But, giving your child the opportunity to learn through play is good for them.

"You might unwittingly be giving your little one very mixed messages about sharing when it comes to food. Your child may find this very confusing. "For example, your child may offer you a bite of something they are eating and you pretend to take one. But then if your child offers food to another child, and they do take the food, your child could well be distraught when this happens. The child wasn’t expecting that and so won’t be sharing again!" says Karen.

“Later at the dinner table your child offers their mash potato to everyone and you get cross - but earlier you suggested they share their lunch, so your child thinks this makes you happy and doesn’t understand why dinner shouldn’t be shared too."

When you look at it in these terms, it’s easy to understand why your child might be confused. But there’s an easy answer: introduce a ‘sharing snack’ and call it that. "It helps if your child has this snack at roughly the same time every day," says Karen. "For example, if you always take a snack to give  after nursery, then this can be a 'sharing snack'. And if your child does share food with you, take that bite! Otherwise, the child might be shocked when someone else does."

Babies and toddlers love to smile and clap and this can always be used to help encourage the type of behaviour you'd like to see. “If you see your child taking turns nicely then be sure to tell them, clap and say ‘well done, lovely sharing’. Make a fuss, as your child will enjoy this and be encouraged to repeat the behaviour. “Also, try to use positive action talk such as ‘do this’ instead of ‘don’t do this’ and avoid saying ‘no’ too much, instead say ‘let’s try this.’” Says Karen.

If your toddler has friends coming over, get them used to the idea of sharing beforehand, perhaps even looking forward to the idea. “Before friends arrive or vice versa, chat to your child about how much fun it will be to have someone to play with,” recommends Karen. “Ask them which toys they would like to show to their friend and talk about how much their friend will enjoy playing with that toy too."

“Take time to sit together and make a pile of toys that your child is happy to share and ask them if there is anything that is very special and they would rather not share, then put this away until later, explaining that the friend might feel sad if they see it and cannot use it."

“If your baby is too young, just make sure you have lots of toys out so that sharing issues are easily solved by distracting with a different toy."

"If you are going to visit a friend, then take a couple of your child’s toys with you," recommends Karen. "And when you have friends visiting you, ask them to bring a few toys too. Explain to your child that the friend is bringing items to share as well, and this will help them feel that it is not just them who is expected to share. Doing this also makes sharing the actual activity, rather than the consequence of having somebody over to play. And this brings the opportunity to discuss what the friend might be bringing and how it is fun to be able to play with each other’s belongings."

“Share activities throughout the day, helping your child to understand that it is nice when you take turns to do something with someone else,” says Karen. “For example, if you are using a teatowel, let your child have a go. If you are hoovering, give them a turn. “There are plenty of tasks you can share. Use play too, by taking it in turns to sing a song, or do a hop as you walk along, or to talk on the telephone.”

“It’s perfectly OK for your child to have a toy that they don’t have to share,” says Karen. “You have special items that mean something to you that you wouldn’t like to pass around so why should your child have to do that? If your child has a favourite doll or soft toy it is quite understandable for them to become upset when another child takes it away. Don’t feel bad for saying ‘that’s a very special toy that is just for my child’. If you know this is an issue, have some similar soft toys at hand to swap it with.”

To read the full article, visit the Musical Minis website.

Should Fathers Indulge In Baby Talk?

Following a media debate about whether fathers should indulge in ‘baby talk’ with their children, Karen Sherr, founder of Musical Minis, was asked to appear on BBC Radio Hereford and Worcester.

Research had found that, Mothers coo to their children while fathers avoid baby talk.

Click below to hear what Karen had to say.

BBC Radio Interview

The interview was with Karen Sherr – Musical Minis , child psychologist, and Neil Sinclair – father of three, ex royal engineer commando and author of ‘Commando Dad’ parenting books series.

The following is the basic points covered in the interview.

The presenter asked if fathers should indulge in ‘baby talk’ with their children?

Karen replied, ‘It’s important for parents to do what they are comfortable with. Mothers may coo more because fathers feel self-conscious. The first sounds a baby makes are syllables, mah, dah, bah, when an adult repeats it back to them it is a form of communication with the child and an excellent way of bonding them. It is communicating with the child in a way they can understand, so they know they are doing something right.’

Neil said, ‘I looked at Karen’s website and think what she does with the music is fantastic.’ Neil said he used to sign to his children when they were very young.

Karen said, ‘Keep the communication going with words rather than just signs; other adults don’t know what your child is signing and words are the most important form of communication. You can sign but you must say the words at the same time.’

The presenter asked Karen if she had any advice for dads, ‘Just talk to your children in whatever way you are comfortable with. Also look at your tone. Maybe speak more slowly. As long as you are happy and are taking turns with the child to ‘speak’ and ‘reply, it all helps.’

The presenter said, what about singing? Karen replied, ‘Sing all day! Singing is how you build up language in a fun way. Fun for both children and adults.’

Neil noted that, ‘Kids are very forgiving, they don’t mind if you don’t’ have a good voice!’

What do you think?

Dad's Playing Mum

As the founder of Musical Minis, pre-school children’s music classes and as a Child Psychologist I have found that music classes can be valuable for any parent finding it hard to bond or communicate with their child.

There was an article by Mark Hudson in the Daily Mail where Mark says he fears he has stunted his daughter’s development because he was unable to ‘baby babble’ with her, encouraged too much rough and tumble and failed to fit in with others at a children’s music class.

Mark Hudson indicates that a number of his problems are linked to him being a stay at home Dad e.g. loneliness, exhaustion, frustration. However, a number of women also experience these problems. It is isolating to be stuck at home with a baby who can’t talk to you, with no adult company, and numerous child caring and home duties to perform. It is really easy to put this down to being a male in a female role but so many women have these feelings too.

Whether male or female, giving up a job where you have constant interaction with adults to being at home with a young child requires some adjusting to. It is common sense to realise that you have to talk to babies to enable them to learn to speak. However silly you may feel talking to someone who does not appear to respond, you have to rise above that and look for ways to see that your child is responding. Eye contact with babies is very important, the child responds by looking back at you. If you talk to a baby and they react by moving their arms and legs, that is a response, as is smiling back at you. Babies respond non verbally and the more they are spoken to the more they respond, therefore language and communication skills are encouraged.

Dads can be brilliant carers and educators to their children, just as good as Mums; however they have to enjoy what they are doing. If they resent the fact that they are stuck at home with a child they won’t be creating a productive environment for the child to develop in. The same is true if a Mum feels this way

Some baby and toddler classes can be very intimidating for anyone, whether male or female who aren’t part of the clique. It is harder for men to be accepted into what is still considered a woman’s role i.e. child rearing. As franchisor of Musical Minis, my aim over the past 24 years has been to improve learning and development outcomes for children through the use of music, movement, instruments and stories. Musical Minis encourages parental participation, and social interaction which builds up children’s self-esteem and confidence. It is often assumed that parents should instinctively know how to interact with their child but often these parenting skills need to be taught.

At Musical Minis we create a relaxed atmosphere where anyone and everyone is welcome. We encourage children and their carers from every faith, religion, background, culture and gender to mix together. Furthermore, all ages and abilities are facilitated in a single group. A number of Musical Minis groups have Dads and Grandpas who come along with children and all are made to feel welcome and part of the group. We often receive comments as to how they have had difficulty with other groups and classes but report that they don’t experience this at Musical Minis.

We truly believe that regular participation at Musical Minis sessions has a positive impact upon the carer and their ability to relate to their children. Adult co-operation is encouraged within the Musical Minis programme. It is needed in helping the child understand, for example, when an instrument needs to be played. This and other interaction encourages the carer and child to work together establishing a platform for good parenting skills. At the session new mothers or fathers can join in the fun, bonding with their babies. The child development aims of the programme, which includes language development, are also explained to attending carers so they will be able to continue them when they get home

Musical Minis runs classes across the UK every week. Check out the list of locations here. If there isn’t a group in your area why not think about becoming a Musical Minis franchisee and starting your own group?

Photo by Flickr The Bridge Family

EWIF Awards 2013

The EWIF, Encouraging Women Into Franchising, Awards are now in their third year. EWIF Awards recognise and celebrate the achievements of women in franchising. The 2013 EWIF Awards ceremony will be held at RBS in London on 16th May 2013.

Musical Minis are delighted to be sponsoring the New Woman Franchisee of the Year EWIF Award.

There are 7 EWIF awards:

• New Woman Franchisor of the Year,
• New Woman Franchisee of the Year,
• Woman Franchisor Employee of the Year,
• Woman Service Provider of the Year,
• Woman Franchisee of the Year.
• Woman Franchisor of the Year,
• Outstanding Contribution To Women In Franchising Award.

All the finalists in each category have now been announced and you can see them here.

The finalists in the category Musical Minis are sponsoring the New Woman Franchisee of the Year are :

• Karen Burdett / TruGreen
• Janet Green / Original Poster Company
• Hayley Charlton / Bright & Beautiful
• Christina Gray / Rosemary Bookkeeping

EWIF's aims are very close to those of Musical Minis. Musical Minis has attracted an entire network of women franchisees. We have no problems taking on male franchisees but there must be something about our franchise and philosophy that appeals to women.

EWIF has a mission statement:
1.To encourage women to consider buying a franchise operation
2.To encourage women with existing businesses to franchise them
3.To help existing franchisors to attract more women into their franchise.

If you would like to learn more about becoming a Musical Minis franchisee click here.

In 2010, the Musical Minis Buckingham franchisee, Amanda Perkins, won the EWIF award we are sponsoring. It was then the Young Woman Franchisee of the Year where entrants had to be under 25 years old. Now the award is the New Woman Franchisee of the Year and is for women who have taken on a franchise after January 2011.

We would like to wish all of the finalists the best of luck. If you would like to attend the awards ceremony contact [email protected] .

A Misleading Award

Guest blog by Rob Sherr

Oxford dictionaries defines the word award as “a prize or other mark of recognition given in honour of an achievement”. How well does this definition sit with a statement I recently saw on a web site that stated “Awards are one of the most powerful and cost-effective marketing tools….”

This question has left me with a feeling of righteous indignation, not because I have anything in particular against the giving of awards but because I have recently discovered there is an industry solely dedicated to awards. I will explain.

As a consumer, there are a number of factors that will help me make a decision as to whether to purchase a particular product or service. Let’s say that I am buying a DVD player. I am down to a choice of 2 but I notice that one of them has won The Audio Visual Society’s innovative product of the year award 2012. With little to differentiate between the two I decide to buy this award winning product.

Well on the face of it there is nothing wrong with that. I have chosen a product that has been given a prize in honour of an achievement. However, my recent exposure to the “awards industry” leaves me wondering whether I haven’t just been misled.

As co-director of Musical Minis, alongside my wife Karen, I actively participate in the decisions that the business faces. One of these is how to spend our marketing budget. Finding new franchisees is a key component of how that money is spent and we were recently approached to consider spending that money on professionally written applications for awards. This particular company, for a fee, would identify awards appropriate to Musical Minis and then complete the application process on our behalf. They cite an excellent record and run a number of teams to ensure that conflict does not exist if they are handling similar businesses. So far so good. Indeed, they have already identified an award that we should aim for and in their email said exactly what this award is. It is at this point that I became a little uncomfortable as to fit the awards description would undoubtedly require a little creative thinking.

Looking further I found that the business of the organisation that granted the award was in fact an awards granting organisation. That is all that it did. From what I could tell it ran its competition 4 times a year and beyond filling in the application form and paying the awards entrance fee there was nothing further an entrant needed to do. There was no vetting and no corroboration of information. And if you were lucky enough to win or even been highly commended by the judges then you “will be eligible to purchase an Awards Marketing Pack consisting of a trophy, certificate and the right to use the winner's or highly commended logo on your website and other marketing materials”.

So what about the judges. Well I didn’t recognise any of the names although in their defence this does not necessarily mean they are not properly qualified or experienced enough to look over an application and make a judgement on its quality. But then again, based upon their profiles, I do not see how they are in any position to make a judgement call on my business.

The Audio Visual Society does not actually exist but if it did this too might be an organisation established only to collect money from businesses who have chosen to spend their marketing budget on one of the most powerful and cost-effective marketing tools. If I had bought my DVD player based upon such an award I would feel cheated as a consumer. Likewise, I do not want anyone to buy a franchise from me because I won some artificially created prize for “Franchise with the Best Post Code”. I am prepared to enter genuine competitions where Musical Minis stands shoulder to shoulder with its peers and be judged by a panel representing a relevant magazine or organisation. Indeed, we have entered the annual Encouraging Women Into Franchising, EWIF, competition and our Buckingham franchisee, Amanda Perkins, won the young franchisee of the year award. We also encourage our franchisees to enter the What’s On 4 Little Ones Awards, voted for by people who attend groups such as Musical Minis.

So is this just righteous indignation or do you, like me, feel concerned that the public is being cheated by this warping of the definition of an award?

Musical Minis is up for three awards!

The What’s On 4 Little Ones Awards recognise the best activities for children from throughout the UK as nominated and voted for by parents, so Musical Minis is delighted, for the third year in a row, to have received a triple nomination in the 2012 awards

I'M so delighted to have been included in this awards scheme as I'm so proud of all the team at Musical Minis.

I hope you can consider voting and taking us forward to a further round.

The What’s On 4 Little Ones Awards recognise the best activities for children from throughout the UK as nominated and voted for by parents, so Musical Minis is delighted to have received not one, but three nominations in this year's awards.

Musical Minis has been proudly nominated for the following categories:

• Best National Baby & Toddler Development Activity (newborn to 2 years)
• Best National Pre-schooler Development Activity (2 to 5 years)
• Jo Weaving our South Wales franchisee has been nominated for Most Outstanding Activity Leader for the Under 5s (West and Wales)

From now until the 6th May 2011, you can log onto http://www.whatson4littleones.co.uk/awards-voting-2012.asp to vote for Musical Minis.You can only vote once but in as many categories as you would like. If you submit your vote you will also be entered into a competition to win two tickets to the awards and a luxury spa treatment on the day. Thank you so much if you do! I've got my fingers crossed for some good support and will watch this space.

To vote click here.

Would you send a sick child to school? Me neither

Guest post by Linda Jones

I've been scratching my head this morning - again. I'm quite often perplexed, baffled or incredulous -- and this is very likely to have been brought on by news of yet another survey connected with working mums. According to the media, you could think of many of society's ills and you would have to look no further than a mother attempting to hold down a job as well as raise a child for the cause.

Obesity, rioting, laziness, you name it, there's probably a poll somewhere that says working mothers (especially single ones of course) are to blame.  There's no mention of the dad of the household. Perhaps he is completely oblivious or blame-free, who knows? Whatever the reason, the papers don't tend to mention him, whether he has scarpered or not.

Sarah Jessica Parker? I don't care how she does it

Guest post by Linda Jones

I can't be the only mum to be irked by Sarah Jessica Parker in a seemingly relentless publicity blitz surrounding her latest film, I don't know how she does it.

Based on the book by caustic former Daily Mail columnist Allison Pearson, it's inevitably being marketed at mums - oh can't we all identify with the *hilarious* antics of the working mother? She wants to be the best at everything but ends up in a pickle...with rib tickling consequences.

I can't begin to tell you how patronised I feel at the thought of sitting through this critically panned film.

The book? I hated it. To now see a pampered Hollywood A lister being held up by TV interviewers as some sort of role model? Don't get me started. I care as much about what Sarah Jessica Parker has to say about being a working mum as I do about what Ryan Giggs can offer on long term relationships.