"A Son Is A Son Till He Takes A Wife, A Daughter's A Daughter The Rest Of Her Life?"

I was reminded of this Irish proverb the other week and have been left pondering over it since. As a Mum of 2 boys and 1 daughter I have brought them up the same but will I lose my 2 boys.

My boys are 23 and 21 and Rob and I like to think that we have a good relationship with them. Matthew, our eldest, has now finished University and is back living at home. Alex is going into his 3rd year at University but has until now, more often than not, come home at weekends. At the moment I do think the boys are close to us and hope this remains. They have had various girlfriends, some of whom we like some whilst others we don’t, but still family has been important to them.

Emily, my 18 year old daughter, is more helpful than the boys both at home and supporting me with admin work at Musical Minis. If I ask the boys often enough they do help too though!

Whilst all my 3 refuse to let me be their friend on Facebook we do have an honest and open family life. They know that we would rather be told the truth even if we don’t approve, than be kept in the dark or lied to. I’m hoping that shared values and beliefs will always keep my 3 close to us and they won’t distance from us when or if they marry.

"For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh." Genesis 2:24. This seems to imply the same as the Irish proverb.

I know as a family we are much closer to my family than to Robs. I think I’m closer to my parents than my 2 brothers are. I realise ‘closeness’ is hard to judge – I think it has to mean more than just speaking to and caring for. When I think about my friends families most of them seem closer to the girl’s family, although a few seem quite close to both families.

I’m hoping that the way we have raised the children and the culture they have grown up in, within a close knit family, will ensure my boys always remain involved with Rob and I. I would hate not to be a part of, or involved in, their lives when they marry.

Looking around there are so many parents with only boys. What do you think about the proverb? Are we all doomed to lose our boys to the families of girls?

Comments

[MrsBellers]

I'm not sure on this one. I think personally that it depends on the family. If the sons family are welcoming and warm there is no reason for you to lose them and lose the closeness you still have.. but thats just my view

[KimTheBookWorm]

Oh Karen, I hope not. I only have 1 boy and he is the apple of my eye. I would be devastated if I lost him. Although as he's only four hopefully it will be a while before I have to worry about this. He told me this morning that I was his girlfriend and he wasn't ever having another one which I found hilarious and reassuring at the same time! x

[Sharon Stephens]

I hope not Karen! I'd hate to be left out of Monty's life. I have two older brothers and will take my lead from our late mum, who welcomed her sons wives into our family with warmth and affection, rarely criticised - unless she thought it r...eally valid! - and always let them know she cared. Mum wasn't a saint, far from it, but she knew it would keep her sons close, so made the effort and her four daughters-in-law (both brothers married twice!) all thought the world of her as a result. Let's hope Monty can say the same about me in a couple of decades!

[Cathie Flynn]

As Sharon said it depends on the family - I think of Billy's Mum as a real second Mum and we spend time together - just the two of us -every week. I adore her and we are every much part of the family. If anyone mistakes us for mother and daughter we don't correct them. Billy knows if he wants to spend time with his family that it is fine with me.